Instead of sleep.

Dear Liz,

To my "nanny", who has been like a second mother to me my entire life. I've known you since I was five years old, when I used to sit between you and my parents at the Hong Kong restaurant in Anaheim while everyone talked about things they thought I couldn't follow. I remember you picking me up from the hospital where my mom worked and taking me to Carl's Jr. on Romneya to have breakfast with my dad before you dropped me off at Fairmont. I remember making spray-painted t-shirts with you and my mom in the backyard. I remember, while making those shirts, you were the one who taught me how to iron! I remember spending days at the pool with you in Woodbridge. I remember helping you in your classroom. I remember the bellydancing in the garage. I remember your "most beautiful" picture in the magazine. I remember you staying with me when my parents were away. I remember you picking me up from Knott's Scary Farm, afraid that the teenage chaperone wouldn't be able to drive in the rain. The lagoon. Fresno. "Flavors of the Month." My going- away party. My college graduation. Even scheming with me at one point to help me move back to California. At every significant moment in my life, I remember you being there. Always with encouragement, always with love. I promise you I will return that favor. I found out tonight that you are very sick. My first instinct was to come home immediately, but my mom reminded me that there's nothing I can do right now. I wish I could talk to you, but I'm still in shock and not as strong as you need me to be right now. If I cried when I called, you would worry about me and above all, I don't want that. You are family, if not closer, and I am scared beyond anything of losing you. My mother says you're having surgery tomorrow and that we'll find out more then. Until that time, I'm going to work on being able to think positively, so that I may be a support to you like you have been for me since I was a little girl. You are in my thoughts and prayers every single moment.

I love you.

Jenn